i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
