You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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