barbara walters just said penis...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
