Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
