i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
