It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
