just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
