Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize