Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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