remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
