but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
