I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
