just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every concussion has its silver lining
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
