Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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