i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
