"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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