got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
