i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
