You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
