we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
