last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
