he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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