I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize