Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize