I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
