Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
