Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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