It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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