so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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