But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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