there's paper in my vomit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
