he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
