we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
