So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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