We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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