I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
