wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize