They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
