saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
