I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
