Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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