96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
