Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
