so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize