This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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