u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
