I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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