Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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