I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize