it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
