Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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