were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
