if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
