i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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