I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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