yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
