And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
