Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
