Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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