Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
