3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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