someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize