My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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