sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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