Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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